Perspective is everything.
Been all over a bit recently. Life’s funny in that way.
Thoughts and feelings about how I should be further along in life than I am. I’m running out of time. Can’t figure out what the next move is. Can’t see the next opportunity. Shit like that. I’m sure others can relate.
This mindset can spiral into a real shit sandwich if I let it. Even though the thoughts above exist, I know that I have exactly what I’ve earned, and if I want more, I have to work smarter or harder. Prolly smarter.
I recall a time in prison that I was super happy because my first state pay hit and I was able to get Colgate toothpaste instead of the Bob Barker shit you get when you’re indigent. I recall the state pay being about $17 a month. The toothpaste was $3, and someone stole it a few days later. Either way, I was happy and grateful to have it and a few soups, so I didn’t have to go to sleep hungry.
Perspective is everything. An interesting balance it seems between gratitude for the life you have and keeping the hunger for more.
Sometimes in the moments of gratitude, I tell myself that I can’t compare this new life to my old one because it does me no good. “Ok, cool, I have toothpaste, but how does that lead to the next level of success?!” I’m probably missing the point entirely.
Sometimes in the moments of hunger for more, I ask myself, “When’s it gonna be enough?!” I’d imagine there is no finish line.
And so we’re back to the beginning. A purgatory of sorts. Grateful to be where I am, while sure of the fact that I need to be further.
I suppose perspective is everything.
